Hogwarts teachers from hell?
by wHiTe eLaNoR
Summary: The Saiyuki gang was sent to Hogwarts on a mission. To teach the students? EHH? HAS THE WORLD GONE MAD? Psst: Snape isn't too happy about this! Read on to find out!
1. Prologue

_Author's note: Muahahaha! I luurrvv Saiyuki coz the guyz are sooo HOT!! (Cutting the crap) (cough) Readers enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki or Harry Potter. I write for fun (sob), please don't sue me. But, the unfamiliar stuffs belongs to me.  
  
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_  
Prologue  
  
_Sheessshhh..._The sound of the wind, dancing merrily among the trees and flower. The sound of birds, chirping merrily. The garden was covered in emerald trees, which colourful birds nested there. Flowers of every kind, every colours, their scent lingering around. The garden was the home of cute furry animals; squirrels busy collecting nuts, and rabbits, hopping around curiously.  
  
In the middle of the huge garden, lies a big marble fountain. In the middle of the fountain, stood the marble statue of the owner of the garden, Kanzeon Bosatsu, the goddess of mercy. The statue was holding a small flask, which its water fell into the fountain.  
  
In the middle of the gazebo, a beautiful goddess was sitting on a cushioned white iron-wrought bench. She was clad in white, she wore minimal accessories. Her silky black hair, tied in a pony tail, flowed down her curvy body. Her eyes were violet, with little white dots dancing in it.  
  
"Genzo Sanzo, the crime you did was unpardonable." She said softly, with a playful smile on her face.  
  
"Come on woman! I just lost the bloody credit card! No fucking deal about it. You can always get me a new one," spat a poker-faced blonde.  
  
"There, there, Konzen, there's no need to shout," laughed the goddess.  
  
"FOR THE FUCKING LAST TIME, I.AM.NOT.KONZEN! I'M GENJO SANZO!" yelled the priest.  
  
Konzeon Bosatsu gazed at the priest, his blonde hair reminded her of the sun. His amethyst eyes, looked like it belonged to a man who lost his soul,(thought now they were sparkling dangerously.) On his forehead was a charka mark; he was a successor of the late reverend Koumyou Sanzo.  
  
Behind him were his three fellow disciples. The first one was a red- headed, crimson eyed half-demon Sha Gojyo. Next to him was a dark-haired man with emerald eyes, and on his shoulder rested a little white dragon, he was Cho Hakkai. Lastly, a fifteen-year-old teenager with brown hair and golden eyes, which always kept complaining, "I'm hungry!", you've guessed it, Son Goku was his name.  
  
"Well, I have a little mission for the four of you. You guys will be teaching at Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry for a semester. If you do well, I shall reward you handsomely, are you on?" asked Konzeon, smirking evilly.  
  
"What about journey to the west?"  
  
"Do they have hot babes there?"  
  
"Do the have food there?" (Stooopid question)  
  
"......."  
  
Konzeon answered cheerfully, "Of course, you will meet Albus Dumbledore, the current Headmaster of Hogwarts. He will give you futher instructions. I ask you again, are you on?"  
  
"Yes, Konzeon Bosatsu (smiling)"  
  
"Definitely! They got babes there!"  
  
"Hell yeah! Food! (Start drooling)"  
  
"....., Whatever!"  
  
With a wave of her hand, the Saiyuki gang was transported in a void.  
  
_CRASH!_  
  
"The landing was painful"  
  
"THAT WAS MY FOOT, STUPID MONKEY!"  
  
"I'M NOT A MONKEY, PERVERTED COCKROACH!"  
  
Pointing gun at the three of them , "SHUT UP BEFORE I KILL YOU TWO!"  
  
Their argument was interrupted by an announcement.  
  
"Hogwarts Express is going to depart at 11:00 sharp from platform 9 ¾. Passengers please board the train, Thank you."  
  
"Well, let's board this goddamn train."  
  
"Alright!" The three guys shouted.  
  
At 11:00, the train departed from the platform. The four of them wondered, what Hogwarts got install for them.  
  
:"Sanzooo! I want a Chocolate Frog!"  
  
"PIPE DOWN MONKEY!!!"  
  
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Author's note: What do you think about this story? Reviews plzz!


	2. Welcome to Hogwarts!

_Author's note: Hehehe...I hope you guys love this story, I apologize for the excessive swearing.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki or Harry Potter. I write for fun (sob), please don't sue me. But, the unfamiliar stuffs belongs to me.  
  
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At Hogwarts Express,  
  
Sanzo, Hakkai, Gojyo and Goku were sampling wizarding tidbits went suddenly,  
  
"Ooooo! Big leaping chocolate froggy!" squealed Goku. He then chased after and nearly ate when,  
  
"Ahhhh! Sorry Sirs, but that's Neville's toad, Trevor!" screamed Hermione.  
  
"Eh? Toad? Not real frog?" asked Goku, he was wearing a puzzled expression.  
  
"Yeah, I'm sorry, err, Professor," squeaked Hermione.  
  
"Hear," said Goku, his face slightly fell.  
  
"Thank you, Professor," said Hermione.  
  
As she was turning away, Gojyo put his arm on her shoulder,  
  
"Wait mademoiselle, may I know what your name is?" Gojyo smirked.  
  
"H-Her-m-mione," Hermione said shakily, "I REALLY got to go Professors. Neville needs his toad."  
  
"Hmm Hermione...nice name. Don't go now! Let's have some fun!" Squealed Gojyo excitedly.  
  
_TWACK!_  
  
Sanzo hit Gojyo with his EXTREMELY large paper fan.  
  
"YOU MORON! SHE'S JUST A KID! GET YOUR PERVERTED ASS BACK HERE!" Sanzo yelled on top of his lungs, which, of course, attracted a hell lot of attention.  
  
Gojyo, whining sofly, let go of Hermione's shoulder. As Hermione quickly walked of _(Actually, she was running), _Gojyo shouted cheekily at her,  
  
"YOU GOT A NICE PIECE OF ASS THERE!"  
  
"There, there. We have to control ourselves in this mission. Well, Gojyo, these girls are your students. Do behave yourself. And Sanzo, temper!" said Hakkai smilingly _(Well, DUH! He's always smiling!).  
  
_"B-but! With these angels all around, how can I?" Gojyo said with an very weird imitation of a puppy-face.

Sanzo, really damn pissed off, put his hand on his face, trying to control his anger. Goku, in the other hand, were, of course, eating. He picked up an orange coloured lollipop from the pile of sweets and put it in his mouth. And then...  
  
"OW! OW! OW! This lolly burnt a hole in my tongue!" cried Goku, with his tongue lolling out.  
  
Hakkai picked up the wrapper and read it, "Acid Pop, burns a hole right in your tongue. "  
  
Goku, slightly, whimpering, nursed his tongue.  
  
"My poor tonguey!"  
  
Sanzo, who was looking out of the window all this while, suddenly declared,  
  
"We've reached the god-damn place."  
  
After a few minutes, the train came to a stop. The place was full of student's chatter, owls hooting, cat's meowing and stuffs. The students rushed out of the train to the platform. And there stood an extremely large man, who was twice the height of a normal person, calling out loudly,  
  
"Firs'-years over here! Firs'-years quickly, come on!"  
  
Gojyo stared at the man, and asked, "You reckon we ask him we are we suppose to go?"  
  
"Good idea," Hakkai replied.  
  
The four of them walked to the huge man and Hakkai said to him politely,  
  
"Excuse me Sir, we are the new Hogwarts teachers and we are quite clueless about where we are suppose to go. Would you mind helping us, Sir?"  
  
"O' course! You can call me Hagrid, I'm now the gamekeepers at Hogwarts, err, ex-Care for Magical Creatures teacher. Well, you can take the carriages to Hogwarts. After that, you will be greeted by Albus Dumbledore, Hogwarts'.." Hagrid did not finish his sentence when Goku interrupted.  
  
"..current Headmaster! So, Can we go now? I REALLY hungry!" complained Goku.  
  
"Err.. Mr Hagrid, sorry for the rude interruption. Do pardon him?" apologized Hakkai.  
  
"Tha's ok! He's righ', you should be going now."  
  
"Thank you!"  
  
The Saiyuki gang boarded a carriage, it passed a wide lake _(Ooo.. look! Giant squid! Drools), _and finally, after a few minutes of enduring Goku's constant "I'm Hungry!" complains, they arrived at Hogwarts.  
  
"Wow! This school is far bigger than what I've imagine!"  
  
"Hmmm... Where do you think the girls sleep?"  
  
"Food! _(Drools_)"  
  
"........"  
"The Great Hall's this way," said a cold and bitter voice. They looked that the owner of the voice, his face was pale, his hair was shoulder-length and really greasy, he had a large hooked nose, and he was wearing an all-black robe. He stared at them rudely and led them to the Great Hall.  
  
When the entered the Great Hall, they were welcomed by the warmth of the fire. Students_(mainly girls) _gazed at them starry-eyed. There were four long tables occupied by students, and a long table, which all the teachers sat.  
  
An old wizard with a long silvery beard and clad in purple robe stood up and announced, "Fellow teachers, students and inhabitants of Hogwarts. I present you four new Teachers at Hogwarts. Professor Genjo Sanzo will be teaching Defence Against The Dark Arts, Professor Cho Hakkai, Herbology, Professor Son Goku, Care For Magical Creatures and Professor Sha Gojyo will conduct Arts lesson."  
  
The students applauded loudly as they made their way to the table. Then the old wizard declared,  
  
"Dinner is served!"  
  
And instantly, varieties of food appeared in front of them.  
  
"Dish ish rike being ing Heaven!" said Goku, between mouthfuls.  
  
After the feast, they were summoned to the Headmaster's office.  
  
"As you've told, you are going to teach the lessons which I appointed to you. You will be teaching until the New Year, IF, She's (Konzeon Bosatsu), is pleased with you. Now, You shall return to you rooms, you'll have a busy day tomorrow. Good night."  
  
Thee four of them chanted "Good Night," in unison.  
  
"You know guys, I think I'm going to like being in here. I don't have to share beds with you guys, and well, the girls are cute here!" said Gojyo.  
  
"And the food's great!" said Goku, his face was full of glory.  
  
"Watever, we don't even know a shit about the subjects we're going to teach. This mission is harder and we thought," grumbled Sanzo.  
  
"Well Sanzo, you shouldn't worry to much. You'll have wrinkles!" laughed Hakkai.  
  
"Sanzo already have wrinkles!" said Gojyo.  
  
Then,  
  
"YOU FREAKING IDIOTS BETTER HAUL YOUR SORRY ASSES TO BED BEFORE I PERMENATLY PUT THE LIGHTS OFF!"  
  
Sanzo's yelling echoed and traveled around the school,  
  
"Dumbledore's hired some freaky teachers again!" complained Ron Weasley.  
  
"Somehow, I'm not that surprised!" laughed Harry Potter as the turned off the lights.  
  
"Good night Ron."  
  
"Good night Harry_._"  
  
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Author's note: My five first reviewers. I can't thank you enough!  
  
To:  
  
Elisa-gurl: Thank's cuzzy for calling it cute!  
  
Inuyuki: Well, the magical folks aren't really bothered by people appearing from nowhere and the ruckus they were making were, urmm, normal! Thanks! I agree, poor Hogwarts!  
  
Arren: Hehe, we'll see about that! Thnx!  
  
DeathAngel2005: Thanx for correcting me!  
  
Adlea Evanstar: hehe... urmm.. Is that for me or the story?  
  
Author thanks all the reviewers and readers for urmm taking interest in this story. Well, what more can I say? Reviews please! _


	3. Defense Against The Dark Arts

_Author's note: WUAHAHA!! THX FOR DE REVIEWS!! (cough) Gomen-ne! I was quite busy with school works and stuffs (Lame Excuse)  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki or Harry Potter. I write for fun (sob), please don't sue me. But, the unfamiliar stuffs belongs to me.  
  
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It was six in the morning, Harry Potter, aka The-Boy-Who-Lived, woke up from his dreamless sleep. He reached out for his glasses, did a little stretching-up. After that he dressed-up in his uniform, and went down for breakfast.  
  
Hermione Granger, the genius of Harry's year, and of course one of his best friend, was drinking coffee, while sticking her head in her new Defence Against The Dark Arts book. Harry sat beside her, grabbed some sausages and ate them while staring at his new teachers.  
  
Hakkai was in his constant cheery smile and eating quietly. Goku was busy stuffing his face with food, _(_The students are quite terrified of his appetite) Gojyo buried his face in his hands while shouting "The shame! The shame!" And the pissed off Sanzo, tried to get drunk drinking coffee.  
  
After Breakfast, the 6th year (Harry's batch) Gryffindor and Ravenclaw went up for the first lesson, Defense Against The Dark Arts.  
  
Defense Against The Dark Arts Lesson,  
  
They went up to the usual classroom, sat on their usual seats, and waited patiently and nervously for the new teacher.  
  
_BANG!_  
  
The students were startled by the loud noise. The door flew open and the new DADA teacher went in. He was wearing a black robe, black pants, and a long-sleeved shirt inside. His black boots were shining weakly and unknown to the student, under his coat was a silver gun.  
  
"Good morning class," Sanzo mumbled to the students.  
  
"Good morning Proffesor," chanted the students in unison.  
  
Sanzo made his way to the chair, sat down and put his legs on the table.  
  
"I'm Genjo Sanzo, your new Defense Against The Darks Arts teacher. You can call me Sanzo, not Professor Genjo or craps like that." He said in a bored voice.  
  
He put his right hand under his coat, grabbed his cigarette pack and lighter. The students watched with amazement as he lighted his cigarette. Then,  
  
"Professor Sanzo, sir. Smoking is not allowed here, sir," said Hermione timidly.  
  
Sanzo faced her and said,  
  
"Firstly, don't call me 'Professor Sanzo'. It's Sanzo. Secondly, what the fuck I do, is non of your damn business, understand?" he glared at the class.  
  
The class was as silent as a graveyard. Even a pin drop can be heard.

Then Sanzo broke the silence,  
  
"I haven't prepared the stuffs to teach. Basically, what the hell on Eart do you study in this damn class?"  
  
Harry, the Golden Boy, answered, "We learn how to fight the Dark Arts, sir."  
  
Sanzo gave Harry an Of-course-I-know-about-that-idiot-you-think-I'm- that-stupid look.  
  
"How do you fight the Dark Arts? With what kind of weapons?" Sanzo asked the class.  
  
Neville said in trembling voice, "We use wands, sir," It was a damn easy question.  
  
Sanzo put his right hand on his face and muttered under his breath,  
  
"Great! Just great! I have to teach these kids how to fight with magical sticks? Remind me to kill Konzeon one day."  
  
Just then, they heard a faint _'Wheeee!' _outside. (The class was stories from the ground.)  
  
The class murmured, "Damn Peeves."  
  
They were wrong.  
  
The '_Wheeee_!' grew closer and closer. All of them look at the window and saw,  
  
"STUPID MONKEY!" roared Sanzo.  
  
"Nyoibou staff extend!" cried Goku.  
  
The students were gasping and cried,  
  
"He's flying without a broom! That's amazing!"  
  
Goku was jumping up and down with his Nyoibou staff like a extreme long pogo stick, deliberately pissing off Sanzo.  
  
Goku gave Sanzo his widest grin and shouted at him,  
  
"Heya Sanzooo! How's teaching? Good?"  
  
Sanzo reached for his gun and shot at Goku's direction, but missed.  
  
"FUCK OFF STUPID MONKEY! WHAT THE BLOODY HELL AREYOU DOING? BETTER STOP IT OR I'LL BLOW YOUR HEAD OFF!" yelled Sanzo on top of his lungs and tried shooting Goku down.  
  
"OK! OK! QUIT SHOOTING!" shouted Goku as he ran off.  
  
The class gulped and then,  
  
_RINNGGGG!!!_  
  
Cried the bell, marking the end of their first lesson.  
  
"Off you go," said Sanzo.  
  
The students thanked their gods; it was HELL in there.  
  
"Is HE mental?" asked Ron, on his face was an annoyed face.  
  
"I don't know. Oh no! We got Arts after this!" shouted Hermione.  
  
Harry smirked, "That perverted teacher has a thing for you!"  
  
Hermione snapped back, "Oh shut up Harry!"  
  
They unwillingly dragged their feet to their Arts lesson.  
  
"Hey, you reckon Snape likes Sanzo?" Harry asked suddenly.  
  
Ron grinned and answered, "I bet you all the galleons in Gringotts that Snape won't be that friendly to him."  
  
"I guess so. Hey guys, do you think it's possible if I drop Arts?" asked Hermione.  
  
The trio was standing outside the door of the Arts room, took a really deep breath, and opened the door.  
  
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Author's note: I know, this chapter is realllyy short. I'm out of idea! Anyway, about Goku's staff, is it Nyoibou, not something else. I'm afraid I make a mistake on that. Thnx for reading n reviewing!!_

_To:  
  
chichi: You like my stowie? I'm soo flatewed! Thnx!  
  
Inuyuki: I lurrv Goku too!!  
  
assassin: Hmmm...what are the odds of having the two worlds together? Hehe...thnx for calling it nice!  
  
ADepressedSpooty: Freaky? That's my first! Thnx!  
  
Sussi: I love it when ppl love my stowie!  
  
Rogueicephoenix: XD Sanzo IS quite careless, isn't he?  
  
Silver Tigress: Hehe.. thnx for reviewing!  
  
elisa-gurl: Yeah! Like someone we know!  
  
Zenny: Thnx for the comliment! (cough) (gotta deflate my head!)  
  
Skysong the Lazy: Awww...Penguins are cute little thingies!!  
  
Gwynhafra: Ahhh!! I was out of idea where to put him! Hehe...(sheepish grin) _


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